Understanding the physical and cognitive changes related to adolescence is not something that we typically learn about as parents.  There is no "What to expect" book for this stage.  Providing moms and daughters the gift of knowledge about how their brain and body impact their lives during this time is crucial in the process.

Even when we think we are being self-reflective, sometimes we tend to fool ourselves.  This happens because we have been parenting in a way that has worked with her for so long that it is often hard to see any other way.  Learning tools for self reflection and then sharing them with your daughter is not only a gift for your relationship but one that she will use in her own life moving forward.

Having someone to be your guide through the process is a way to help you through support but also help you uncover the role you might be playing in the relationship.   It is often very hard for us to see this part of it.  Working with someone to assist you demystify her behavior and actions, as well as your own, is often very helpful.

Working together toward a common goal is something we teach our children that they should do regularly.  However, we don't often think of this in the parenting field.  Finding ways to collaborate with your parenting partner as well as your daughter often is a missing piece in relationships that can make a big difference in rebalancing them to harmony and calm.